Yesterday, I bought the Kroger store-brand equivalent of Triscuit crackers, and the brand name is “Weavers.”

Having just watched a documentary on Pete Seeger a few weeks back, several slogans for this product immediately came to mind:

• “Weavers: Wasn’t that a cracker?”
• “This cracker surrounds hate and forces it to surrender.”
• “Are you now, or have you ever been, a cholesterol-free food?”
• “Here’s one snack food too tasty to blacklist.”