About John

John Carney is a journalist, a certified United Methodist lay speaker, a veteran of foreign and domestic short-term mission trips, and author of a self-published novel, Soapstone.
Feb 09

Tow trucks and child prodigies

I’ve mentioned on Facebook and elsewhere that I’m really enjoying my new Kindle, which arrived yesterday, and that I did some reading last night while in Murfreesboro.

What, you might ask, is the first book I’m reading?

Well, there are several books on the device already: the two Jules Verne novels that I managed to finish on my smartphone before the Kindle arrived, the free Bible that I downloaded while trying to figure out which Bible to buy, and The Siege of Washington : The Untold Story of the Twelve Days That Shook the Union, which I discovered on sale through the terrific web site Ereader News Today, which spotlights whatever books Amazon happens to have on sale (or free!). Today, caught up in Dickens bicentennial madness, I downloaded A Christmas Carol, which like the Verne books is a public domain work offered by Amazon for free.

But – other than looking up a couple of Bible passages – the first book I’m actually reading on my Kindle is kind of unexpected: God Drives a Tow Truck, an inspirational book by Vicky Kaseorg. The book is normally $2.99 in the Kindle store, but when I stumbled across it the other day, during my fevered week of Kindle anticipation, it was free. I can’t recall whether I saw it on Ereader News Today or somewhere else.

I’m not usually a “Chicken Soup For The Soul” kind of guy, but the reviews on Amazon were favorable, saying that Kaseorg’s autobiographical stories were frank and funny. It just seemed like it might be something worth reading, especially at the no-risk price of zero. (The Kindle holds 1,400 books, and even if I were ever to delete some of them to free up space, I can always re-download any book I’ve purchased.)

I have to say, it’s an easy and enjoyable read. Yes, it’s upbeat, inspirational, and a little predictable at times, but the stories are well-told, Kaseorg has a sense of humor about herself, and the sentiment seems genuine, not manufactured. The stories cover various periods in the author’s life, many of them taking place when she hadn’t yet come to the Christian faith. Some deal with her love of animals, others with her family life or with people she’s encountered along the way. Kaseorg is also an artist, and each chapter has an illustration; that’s the one drawback of the Kindle’s otherwise-wonderful black-and-white e-ink display.

There are some of the stories that I can probably use in the future as sermon illustrations when I lay speak. (I always attribute stuff like that, by the way. I will never forget the time when a previous pastor of mine used Walter Wangerin’s story “Ragman” from the pulpit without saying where it came from, as if he had made it up. I was furious, “Ragman” being one of my favorite stories.)

Anyway, even though it’s not free anymore it’s still a good buy, an inspirational book that actually is inspirational.

Feb 06

Smartpost

I’m obsessive about package tracking, and even more so with my most recent purchase, my long-awaited Kindle. I’ve had a lot of fun on Facebook joking about the circuitous route, although in reality most of the package services use hub-based systems that result in similar long routes.

But the past few things I’ve ordered from Amazon under “super saver shipping” have come by way of a service called FedEx Smartpost. I’ve looked this up, and I’m not sure I understand it completely. It’s a service offered by FedEx Ground by which they pick up packages, drive them cross country, and then drop them off at a postal distribution center, so that the final delivery to the customer is handled by the Post Office.

This would make no sense for you or me – there would be no benefit in sending a package by FedEx Ground from here to Memphis, and then paying for it to be mailed by USPS from Memphis to Cincinnati. For me, as an individual USPS consumer, Shelbyville to Cincinnati and Shelbyville to Memphis are the same price, so I wouldn’t save any money on the USPS portion of the trip by mailing the package to Memphis instead of Cincinnati. Then, after mailing the package to Memphis, I’d have to pay FedEx Ground for its part of the trip. I would be paying twice for the same service. As an individual consumer, I could make out much more cheaply by using only one carrier – let’s say, the US Postal Service – to mail the package directly from Shelbyville to Cincinnati (however the post office decides to route the package is their business, not mine).

But this hybrid service must make sense financially for Amazon, and other such customers, or else they wouldn’t be using it. I’m assuming, therefore, that Amazon and/or FedEx is getting some sort of discount from USPS in return for dropping off large volumes of pre-sorted mail directly at postal distribution centers, saving USPS a lot of work. That discount would have to be pretty steep — more than enough to make up for what FedEx Ground is charging for the first half of the trip, so that the total cost to Amazon is less than it would cost to use either FedEx Ground or USPS separately.

My paternal grandfather, who died when I was about five or six years old, worked for the Post Office. He was head of parcel post at the downtown Nashville post office, which is now the site of the Frist Center for the Visual Arts. I wonder what he’d think of this new world of package delivery.

Feb 05

The whole eBible

I want to put a Bible on my Kindle – I’ve got room for 1,500 books, after all – but I seem to have a dilemma, and it’s a surprising one, given the popularity of the Kindle in the past year or two.

The Bible translations I’d use most often – the New Revised Standard Version, which is used in a lot of official United Methodist literature, or the most recent update of the New International Version – are available for Kindle, but according to the reviews they don’t have e-reader-friendly navigation. There are some other Kindle Bibles that do have good navigation, making it easy to look up a chapter and verse, but they don’t come in any of the translations I like. There are also some specialty NIV Bibles that cost more than I’m looking to spend right now or that are organized in special ways, including the Passages NIV e-Bible that has the readings broken up so that you can follow along with the Daily Audio Bible. As a DAB listener, I may get the Passages Bible eventually, but it’s not what I’m looking for right now.

I have ordered a Holman Christian Standard Bible for free; I’ve heard them use that translation on DAB from time to time, although I’m not too familiar with it otherwise. But I really want HarperCollins or Zondervan to get on the stick and create a great, reasonably-priced NRSV or NIV e-edition.

Feb 04

Rod Serling, you got some ‘splainin to do

The A.V. Club has been reviewing episodes of the original, classic “Twilight Zone,” and this week’s review is something unique: an episode of “The Twilight Zone” hosted by Desi Arnaz instead of Rod Serling.

Sort of.

Serling wrote a script called “The Time Element” as a pilot to pitch “The Twilight Zone” to CBS, but the network wasn’t interested. Eventually, the script ended up in the hands of a producer who worked for Lucy and Desi, and was produced as an episode of “The Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse,” an anthology series created and hosted by Lucy and Desi (in this case, just Desi) Desi. The episode was relatively successful, enough so that CBS took a second look at Serling’s proposal.

Here it is, in parts:

Feb 04

Hits the spot

When Dave Thomas founded Wendy’s, according to his terrific but out-of-print autobiography “Dave’s Way,” he wanted to avoid the practice, common to some other fast food places at the time, of making up sandwiches ahead of time and storing them under a heat lamp so that they could be served quickly. He felt this detracted from the quality of the sandwiches and from the ability to customize them to the customer’s liking.

But Thomas still wanted to be able to serve customers quickly, even during peak hours. The solution he came up with was to have hamburger patties almost always on the griddle, ready to be scooped up and turned into a sandwich on order.

Typical business patterns make it possible to predict about how many patties you need to have standing by at a given time of day, but it’s not an exact science. Sometimes, a patty will be ready but no customer will be at the counter to order it.

Dave’s solution to that problem was a stroke of genius: he added chili as a menu item. Any patties not needed for hamburgers would be crumbled up and set aside for the next batch of chili.

I was going to stop at Sonic on my way to work today, but as I saw Wendy’s sitting there on Madison Street it occurred to me that the perfect lunch for a cold and rainy Saturday would be a big Wendy’s chili and a baked potato. Of course, the Wendy’s chili is even better with a couple of gold packets of that mysterious hot sauce they offer with it. I have, for years, insisted that they ought to sell the stuff by the bottle. I would buy it and put it on a lot of different things.

Anyway, the chili and potato are a perfect antidote to the weather. Well done, Dave.

Feb 02

Not so mysterious

This post will contain a spoiler for the classic Jules Verne novel “The Mysterious Island.” In some ways, it’s such common knowledge that it’s not truly a spoiler, which as you will see is part of the point of my post. Anyway, if you plan to read the novel any time soon, I don’t want to be accused of ruining it for you, so just move along.

When I downloaded “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea,” as explained here, I only meant to test out the Kindle reading app on my smartphone. I figured that, once I had seen how that app worked, I would set the novel aside, and finish it once I got my actual Kindle.

But I have such fond memories of the novel from my childhood that once I started reading it, I couldn’t stop. The free public-domain Kindle version uses the oldest English translation, which is in some places inaccurate and which supposedly cuts out some material; one of these days I’ll spend the money to buy one of the more recent translations, which are supposed to be far superior. But I still loved the novel, and I could not stop reading it, even on my little smartphone screen.

Anyway, while biding my time until this weekend (when my tax refund will arrive and I will be able to order a Kindle), I decided to downolad a second public-domain Jules Verne novel, “The Mysterious Island.” The current movie “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island,” a sequel to 2009′s “Journey To The Center of the Earth,” is not a straight adaptation but rather a modern-day “inspired by” twist on the story, including, as far as I can tell, some meta references to the novel.

Anyway — and here’s the spoiler — the reason I decided to download “The Mysterious Island” is because it continues the story of Captain Nemo from “Twenty Thousand Leagues.” I thought that was widely known; I’d certainly seen references to it, well, everywhere.

But it turns out that Nemo doesn’t show up until the last 10 percent of the book (thank you, Kindle progress indicator!), and his identity is clearly meant to be a surprise. I sort of wish I hadn’t known ahead of time he was going to show up — but then again, if I hadn’t known it, I wouldn’t have read the novel in the first place.

I have to say, “The Mysterious Island” is inferior to “Twenty Thousand Leagues” in almost every way. “Twenty Thousand Leagues” has four sharply-drawn and memorable characters, and although Verne has a little bit of florid description, for the most part we learn about them by the way they speak and act.

“The Mysterious Island,” on the other hand, is full of Verne telling us — and having the characters tell each other — what great, heroic, amazing fellows they all are. Don’t get me wrong; I like heroes. I like larger-than-life characters. I think we need more of them. But Verne spends more time telling us what a remarkable and amazing fellow Cyrus Harding* is than he does letting Harding be remarkable or amazing. Verne also overpraises Harding’s supporting cast, even though they sometimes give the impression that they wouldn’t know how to boil water without Harding to guide them. Even the dog, Top, is praised as having intelligence and loyalty worthy of Lassie — which would be fine if this were a story about Top, but in this case it’s just excess upon excess. When you have five superhuman characters, a superhuman dog, a superhuman orangutan, and a pirate who goes through a superhuman process of remorse and redemption, and they’re the only characters for two-thirds of the book, it becomes a bit much. And when antagonists finally show up, they’re pretty much faceless non-entities, shooting at our heroes from a distance. That’s not larger-than-life, it’s over-the-top.

The five main characters, plus the dog, are marooned on an island in the South Pacific. Shipwrecked, you assume? Why, no. They use a balloon to escape from a Confederate prison in Richmond, Va., and are blown by a storm southwest across North America and into the most remote region of the South Pacific.

They set about using their superhuman skills to make their island paradise so comfortable that they have no real intention of leaving, except perhaps to go and retrieve their families and bring them back. This takes away the primary challenge and motivation for a castaway story. (In all their chattering about how much they love their island home, they never once mention the absence of the opposite sex, which makes you wonder.)

There’s also a queasy situation as regards race relations. Reading novels from an earlier era is always a balancing act; you have to take them as documents of their own time. But sometimes, the treatment of race or gender becomes so intrusive that it impacts your enjoyment of the novel.

In “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea,” two of the main characters are Prof. Aronnax and his manservant Conseil. Conseil’s unswerving, completely selfless devotion to Prof. Aronnax, to the point of casting himself overboard at one point after Aronnax falls overboard, sounds a little bit, well, unhealthy to our modern sensibilities, but you’re able to set it aside for the most part. It’s certainly not the only such relationship in classic literature.

Well, there’s a similar master-servant relationship in “The Mysterious Island,” and in this case it’s between Cyrus Harding, late of the Union Army in the Civil War, and Nebuchadnezzar, or “Neb,” as he’s known, a former slave freed by Harding. Neb has the same sort of devotion to Harding that Conseil has to Aronnax, but given Neb’s past, and Harding’s devotion to the Union cause, it seems just bizarre. Neb even refers to Harding as “my master,” at least in the English translation I read, and it gave me the willies. (Perhaps the original French approached the relationship with more subtlety.)

The book is not without its charms, don’t get me wrong, and there are parts of it I enjoyed. But it’s nowhere near the classic story of “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea.”

*According to Wikipedia, Cyrus’ last name is Smith instead of Harding in some translations. I like the name “Cyrus Harding” better, however, and that’s what was used in the Kindle translation.

Jan 31

Credit where credit is due

I’d been having a serious problem with my DSL for several weeks. In the evening hours – and pretty much only in the evening hours – the DSL would drop frequently, and then reconnect itself 30 seconds later. It was really frustrating, especially when I would try to download or upload something, and it was getting worse and worse as the days went on.

I’d looked at various online forums and message boards, and they gave me reason to worry. I thought AT&T would insist, rightly or wrongly, that the problem was interference in my wiring – and I had just gotten through dropping the inside wiring maintenance plan as part of some cost-saving changes to my phone service a month or two ago.

But I figured I needed to get something resolved with the DSL before installing a wireless router, and the router is now on the way (in fact, if Amazon is to be believed, it’s now at the Shelbyville post office). I came home over lunch today, and decided to call AT&T, even though the problem doesn’t normally manifest itself at that time of day.

My first call was an exercise in frustration – I got shunted into the automated help system, and when the questions I answered indicated that my Internet was functioning at that moment, the system told me, in effect, “Good! Problem solved,” and promptly hung up on me.

I called back and this time made sure I got through to a live person.

Well, I have to say that she was helpful and did not treat me like an idiot. She did say it might have been better if I’d called during the evening, when the problem was manifesting itself, but she didn’t use that as an excuse. She put me on hold to talk to the technicians, and after an interval she told me that the techs were going to give me a “new profile,” whatever that means, which they hoped would stabilize my connection. If evening came and the problem returned, I was to call back and they would figure something else out.

Well, whatever the new profile is, it appears to be working. The dropouts usually start long before now, and as far as I can tell my service has not dropped once.

AT&T takes some grief sometimes for its customer service, but in this case, and several others in the past, I’ve gotten courteous and effective service. Now, I’m waiting for the router – and then, once I get my wi-fi up and running, I’ll be ready for a Kindle.

Jan 29

Celebrate. Remember. Fight Back.

Well, it was a long night Saturday, but a good one. I got to the Blue Ribbon Circle at 5 p.m., and didn’t leave until after 1 a.m. I spent most of the evening working the door at the Relay For Life Dance and Live Auction, and was quite busy; we had a lot of walk-in traffic, more than I was expecting, and I also had some will-call tickets to worry about.

Rayz’n Cain, a band which includes one of my sister’s friends and classmates from school, sounded fantastic – and their performance was all the more remarkable because one of the band members lost a family member … to cancer … earlier that day.

So we had a great crowd, and they were also a supportive crowd when it came time for the auction.

The preliminary figures are that the event raised more than $10,000 – yes, you read that right – for the life-saving work of the American Cancer Society. But that’s not all! Earlier in the day, one of our individual Relay teams, the Snazzy Nazzys team (First Church of the Nazarene), held its “Crown For A Cure” pageant, raising more than $4,000. So it’s possible that in total, we raised more than $15,000 in a day.

There’s still time to put together a team for the actual Relay, which will take place June 1-2 at Bedford County Agriculture and Education Center. Or you can contribute to someone who’s participating.

Jan 24

Late to the party

“The Big Bang Theory” was one of those shows that I always thought sounded like it might be funny but which I never got around to watching. And then, when CBS put it up against one of my favorite shows, the ratings-challenged “Community” on NBC, I sort of didn’t want to watch it.

But now, TBS runs reruns of it before Conan, and I started catching the last few minutes of it. And then I started watching whole episodes. So, yes, I’ve now become the very last geek in America to enjoy “The Big Bang Theory.”

Jan 23

Vingt mille lieues sous les mers

I have pretty much decided to take a little of my tax refund, in a week or two, and treat myself to the $79 entry-level Amazon Kindle.

Anyway, noodling around the Amazon site in wishful anticipation, I decided to try downloading the Kindle app to my smartphone, just to see how it works and so that I’d already have a Kindle account set up. A smartphone screen is not ideal for long-term reading (as I will point out in a newspaper column about the Kindle platform later in the week), but it actually works quite a bit better than I anticipated.

In order to have a book in my new account, I went to the list of public-domain classics available for free download. My choice was a simple one: “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea,” by Jules Verne. One of my favorite books as a child, and one I dearly wish I still had, was a terrific annotated edition of this classic. In the margins of the book, the editors would provide helpful definitions and illustrations of the many places and different types of aquatic life mentioned in the book, and would point out passages in which Verne predicted technology that would not exist until decades after the 1870 novel was published.

Anyway, I hadn’t read the book in years, and it seemed like something I’d enjoy revisiting. I started reading it on the smartphone, just to see how it worked, and I’ve gotten about a third of the way through the book just this evening.

I also downloaded the free sample of my own Bad Self-Published Novel, which is available on Kindle. When I get the device, I’ll probably spring for the actual novel, knowing that I’ll eventually get back some of the purchase price. To my knowledge, even though the novel has been available on Kindle since the get-go, I haven’t sold any Kindle copies of it.