Let’s say, just for the sake of discussion, that you — even though you’re a United Methodist layspeaker and the son of a United Methodist pastor — have an occasional glass of red wine, either at banquets or parties or by buying a bottle every now and then. You never drink anything stronger, and you never have more than one glass at a time.

Now, let’s imagine — hypothetically, of course — that there’s a big horse-related event in your community, and as part of the big horse-related event there’s a trade fair, and that for the last three days of the trade fair there are some area wineries that are allowed by the state to sell their wares at the trade fair.

Now, let’s imagine that there’s a particular semi-sweet wine (not being a wine expert, you prefer a little bit of sweetness) you bought last year at this trade fair, and you are tempted to buy a bottle again this year.

What are the chances, hypothetically of course, that, at the very moment the saleslady is handing you your bottle, two fellow members of your church will walk up and begin needling you about it?

Maybe I — uh, I’m sorry, I meant you, in my purely hypothetical example — should stick to home grown tomatoes. After all, according to these guys, there’s only two things that money can’t buy, and that’s true love and home grown tomatoes: