Please keep me in prayer; I think I have finally returned from the trip, weeks after my plane landed in Atlanta.

I first committed to go on my Nicaragua mission trip in August of 2002. That led to a busy five months of fund-raising and preparation; the trip was in January 2003. I didn’t have much chance for a letdown after the trip; Within a month, I was auditioning for a play in Tullahoma. That kept me busy for a few months, enough to distract me from the post-trip letdown. By late summer, after some interest in an Eastern European trip that never materialized, I had committed to go to Kenya in August 2004. That began a year of anticipation and fund-raising.

The Rev. Paul Mbithi happened to travel to the U.S. in September 2004, not long after I had returned from the trip, and hearing him work with the LEAMIS staff I knew I had to return to Kenya in August 2005. Thus began another year of fund-raising and preparation. This time, the fund-raising was more difficult, and I only reached my goal with a late and large contribution from a family that I know isn’t in a position to do it too often.

Now, my trip is over. I have mailed out my partner CDs, and except for a couple of commitments to speak about the trip in October I can no longer count it as an ongoing event.

I don’t think LEAMIS has set the dates for its next Africa trip — they are looking at moving to a different season of the year in hopes of reducing the air fares. But, given my experience this year, I’m somewhat resigned to sitting out the next trip so that my friends and family don’t get sick of hearing from me. If God calls me, of course, I’ll go — and God will get me on the plane somehow. But right now, from a purely practical standpoint, It doesn’t seem to be on the radar.

Meanwhile, Mountain T.O.P. — which has been my passion for the past 12 years — is in a season of change. I’ve had to miss several key meetings related to those changes due to a combination of the mission trip, the Tennessee Walking Horse National Celebration and other work assignments.

In addition to reorganizing, the board is doing some intensive fund-raising to keep the ministry afloat. I am awful at fund-raising. Most of the money for my mission trips didn’t come in through high-pressure, one-on-one calls; I just sent out letters and newsletters and put out the word that I was making a trip, and then I checked the mailbox waiting for money to come in. I hate making fund-raising calls, and have major anxiety over the process. I’m not a good salesperson, either; my typical sales pitch is something like, “you don’t really want one of these — do you?”

So I’ve been seriously considering whether I need to remain on the Mountain T.O.P. board or step aside in favor of someone who better fits their short-term needs. I haven’t really talked to anyone about this yet, and I may not do it. It may be that I can continue to play a valuable part as board secretary (once we get back on a more predictable meeting schedule) and doing things like helping to word fund-raising letters, as I did this week at the request of one of our remaining staffers.

But it’s at least a possibility that I will drop off the board, on which I have served for 9 of the past 11 years. I have already felt a little bit of a disconnect from the ministry in that I have not been a camper for the past two summers. In 2004, that was because I could not put together enough vacation days (over and above the Kenya trip) while the newspaper was in the process of changing hands. This year, it was because we had discontinued the two programs in which I normally participated: Summer Plus and Kaleidoscope. Our board chair is very serious about trying to bring back SP and Kaleidoscope, but I fear it may prove to be too ambitious to do so next summer given the need to rebuild the ministry almost from scratch over the next few months.

So, for the first time in three years, I have no foreign mission trips on the horizon. Combine that with the prospect that I might not be involved, or might be less involved, with the domestic missions group which has meant so much to me.

Meanwhile, I went to the dentist today and found out I have to have a crown (my third) next month.